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Birmingham columnists on WBHM


WBHM If WBHM’s recent shift away from classical music baroque your heart, then there’s not much we can do for you (except maybe suggest Pandora). In the meantime, Birmingham’s public radio station is taking a greater interest in local news, even bringing newspaper people on the air.

And, they let us sit on the good furniture.

Beginning this week, WBHM will feature Wednesday segments with Birmingham Weekly columnist Kyle Whitmire (I promise I won’t write about myself in the third person again) and Birmingham News columnist John Archibald (booo!!!).

John ArchibaldArchibald gets the morning shift, with a segment called “Plugged.” It promises a more heady agenda, focusing on hoity-toity themes. This week’s segment, which you can hear here, focused on trust, whatever that is.

Meanwhile, I get the afternoon shift, talking about who’s backstabbing whom at City Hall and County Commission. The first segment focused on Jefferson County’s last minute attempts to avoid bankruptcy, the mayor’s wrecked plans for free bus fare and his pesky problem of being sued by the SEC.

Not that this is any sort of competition, but in our first week, I totally whipped Archibald at this radio game. However, he does have a better head shot than I do, which through the wonder’s of Photoshop, I’ve now made even better. My photo, which is at least five years old, dates from my first pathetic attempt to grow a full beard.

But neither of us topped the radio professional. Yesterday, WBHM’s Tanya Ott took Mayor Larry Langford to task for his recent unpleasantness with the SEC and on-going Justice Department investigation. According to Langford, the federal investigations into him are the evil machinations of his campaign opponent Patrick Cooper and, of course, the media. It’s all one great conspiracy.

I’m still waiting on my black helicopter.

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Council questions morning-after transit vote


Last week, the Birmingham City Council approved a plan from Mayor Larry Langford to make bus fares free for the summer, but in a special-called meeting Wednesday night, many of them expressed second thoughts.

Councilors Steven Hoyt, Carole Smitherman, Valerie Abbott and Carol Duncan said that the council passed the mayor’s proposal too quickly, without having real budget numbers or the consent of the Birmingham-Jefferson County Transit Authority board.

“We rushed to make a decision without the information, and now we have a problem,” said Councilor Valerie Abbott. “I think we may have acted somewhat in haste. I voted for it, and I’m willing to take my knocks for it.”

BJCTA Director David Hill said Wednesday that the BJCTA could not begin the program unless Birmingham provided the transit sysem with at least some of the money up front.

Councilors referred to the Mayor’s plan as the “3 a.m. plan,” because the Mayor said he woke up the morning before the April 22 Council meeting with the idea to give Birmingham bus riders free rides all summer.

“Council, we have erred, this should never have happened,” said Council President Carole Smitherman.

Six councilors were present at the meeting Wednesday(Roderick Royal, Miriam Witherspoon, and William Bell were absent), but open meetings law did not allow a vote on any issue. Mayor Langford was present at the beginning of the meeting and BJCTA Director David Hill attended as well.

The estimated $800,000 needed for the program would come from $9 million raised in business license fees that the BJCTA plans to spend on new buses. As Birmingham Weekly reported, Mayor Langford had initially promised Hill $17 million for transit, but that number was later changed to $9 million, though Hill did not notice until months later.

“What is the highest and best use for the $800,000 — to offer free rides or repair the buses?” Smitherman asked the transit director.

“Well, obviously it’s to repair the buses,” answered Hill.

Most councilors seemed reluctant to support the Mayor’s program, even if communication issues are cleared up. Smitherman said more citizens had called her office in opposition to the Mayor’s plan than in support of it. Councilor Hoyt argued that the $800,000 free summer rides program is the equivalent of giving a bus away.

“We could have a bus with this money, and that’s been the chief complaint-that busses are breaking down-so how can we give something away when we ought to be buying a bus?” he said.

Councilor Joel Montgomery suggested that the Council approve funds for one month of free rides at next week’s City Council meeting, allowing the BJCTA to begin the free ride system on May 10. Montgomery supported the “3 a.m. plan” last week with the provision that the Council be provided with proper documentation from the Mayor’s office and the BJCTA.

It is not clear when the Council will vote on funding the Mayor’s plan or rescinding their resolution in support of it. Smitherman suggested another special meeting to vote on the plan, but action may be delayed until next Tuesday’s City Council meeting. Until then, riders of Birmingham public transit will pay the standard rate.

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Langford legal woes: First shoe drops


SEC sues Langford, Blount and LaPierre

As expected, the SEC has filed a lawsuit in federal court here against Mayor Larry Langford, Montgomery investment banker Bill Blount and lobbyist Al LaPierre. The SEC’s complaint is a civil lawsuit, so nobody is getting arrested or going to jail. That’s the Justice Department’s end of things and they’re still working at it.

In the meantime, the SEC wants Blount, LaPierre and Langford to repay money they received in various bond deals from Langford’s tenure at the Jefferson County Commission. According to the lawsuit, Blount paid off more than $150,000 of Langford’s personal debts, while Langford directed more than $6.7 million in fees to Blount’s investment firm, Blount Parrish.

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Proclamation of the Hypocalypse


Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford

As revealed by Saint Larry the Divine


War on Dumb by Kyle Whitmire

Chapter 1

1 I looked and there in City Hall a door stood open. 2 And I heard a voice say, “It’s time to do something.” 3 At once I was in the chambers, and there stood a podium with the One strutting before it. 4 Behind the podium was a wide dais and on the dais sat nine councilors and in front of the dais sat department heads who had dominion over all the city works. 5 And behind the One stood 12 ministers from the churches of the city. 6 And I heard him say to them: “If we can have a National Day of Prayer and nobody gets upset, don’t get upset about this one here, and even if you get upset, get upset. We’re still going to have it.”

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Artur Davis bats for Team Obama


Rep. Artur Davis and Sen. Barack Obama

Alabama Congressman appears on ‘This Week’

Rep. Artur Davis went to bat for “Team Obama” (George Stephanopoulos’ words, not ours) on the Sunday morning talk show circuit. On This Week, Stephanopoulos moderated the four-way discussion somewhat better than he did the Pennsylvania debate, but he pitched all the Obama race-based questions predictably to the Alabama congressman. Read the full story

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Langford sports sackcloth, ashes, Rolex


Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford

Friday night more than 1,000 people gathered at Boutwell Auditorium for a prayer rally hosted by Birmingham Mayor Larry Langford.

At the arena entrance, ministers greeted visitors with sackcloths and ashes. The voice of James Earl Jones reading from Revelation boomed through the auditorium speakers. Above the crowd, two wide white banners hung from the ceiling. Each read, “A world without Jesus is a mess waiting to happen - Mayor Larry P. Langford.”

On either side of the stage, two projector screens displayed the Birmingham skyline with the message “A city not forsaken.” On those screens, the event began with an animated film of the last supper, crucifixion and resurrection.

Langford took the stage with a group from Indiana who had come to Birmingham to take part in the event. True to his word, Langford traded in his Gus Mayer suits for a burlap sack, although he did still wear a Rolex watch and designer shoes.

“The only reason he is here is because God put him here,” T. L. Lewis, pastor of Bethel Baptist Church, said of Mayor Langford at the end of a lengthy and raucous sermon. Lewis told the crowd not to tolerate “journalistic terrorism” and said that no one could harm Langford because God was protecting him.

Langford closed the event, drawing largely on his stock of political boilerplate.

“What in hell do you want?” Langford asked the crowd, a line he uses frequently. “There has got to be something in hell we want because we are fighting so hard to get there.”

Mayor Langford called the event because of rising crime in Birmingham. The city’s murder rate is out-pacing 2007 by more than 40 percent.

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Jonathan Purvis’ photos on Flickr

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Sackcloth and Ashes Highlights

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Sackcloth and Ashes Finale Part One

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Sackcloth and Ashes Finale Part Two

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More videos are on the way. Check back soon.

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Leapin’ Larry’s Prayer Proclamation


Leaders to adorn sackcloth and ashes to fight crime

Langford\'s Sackcloth Proclamation

At Tuesday’s Birmingham City Council meeting, Mayor Larry Langford proclaimed Friday, April 25, a “day of prayer in sackcloth and ashes” in Birmingham.

FOLLOW THIS STORY: Langford sports sackcloth, ashes, Rolex (click here)

Birmingham Weekly reported two weeks ago that the mayor purchased 2,000 burlap sacks for ministers and other community leaders to wear at a Plan 10/30 summit.
To many Christians, sackcloth and ashes symbolize humility and repentance, but the mayor’s decree came dressed with the usual accoutrements - printed on fine, invitation-stock paper and wrapped in a bright silver folder, adorned by the magic hat logo Langford commissioned for the city last year.

In the decree, Langford said that Birmingham’s crime problem “pails” (sic) in comparison to the biblical City of Nineveh.

The proclamation tells the Bible story of Jonah and the city of Nineveh: “Whereas Chapter 3, verse 5 & 6, of the Book of Jonah, Old Testament states, that the people of Nineveh believe God and proclaimed a fast and put on sackcloth from the greatest of them even to the least of them,” the resolution reads.

In the proclamation, the mayor puts himself parallel with the King of Nineveh (Jonah 3:7) who, wearing sackcloth and ashes, joined his citizens in prayer.

Langford said last week that “the Constitution of the United States calls for a separation of church and state - it never said anything about a separation of church from state.” He did not mention the Constitution at today’s city council meeting, although he blasted any potential critics who question his piety in public office.

“I could care less what they write about it or say about it,” Langford said. “Because let there be no misunderstanding, just like Satan is at work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days, God is too.”

The mayor’s proclamation urged all “Bishops, Priests, Pastors, Ministers,” and other religious citizens to join him in prayer at the Plan 10/30 summit, which will take place at Boutwell Auditorium this Friday, April 25, at 6 p.m.

The event will be the third Plan 10/30 summit. Previous events have focused on families and crime. In one event, Langford handed out Bibles donated by the 700 Club.

Far from the negative press he received last month for Jefferson County’s financial woes, Langford has been featured and praised by Pat Robertson’s religious news broadcasts.

Meanwhile, Birmingham’s homicide rate continues to outpace figures from this time last year.
To see the full text PDF (you’ll need Adobe Acrobat Reader) of the proclamation, click on the image above.

Or watch the video below.

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Breaking the recycle


Nuance of the new environmentalism

War on Dumb by Kyle Whitmire

“Recycle” is redundant, and it’s only one word.

The prefix is superfluous, put there to make the rest of the word sound more important. Instead, it makes something that should be habitual and routine seem tedious, impractical or quaintly idealistic. “Cycle” will do nicely.

To most consumers, recycling is still the end of an object. Recycling is throwing away something, but feeling better about it when the deed is done. It’s an old way of thinking. In contrast, cycles have no end.

The difference between “recycle” and “cycle” might seem pedantic, but that difference explains what makes “green” different from “environmentalist.”

Life on Earth depends on cycles. Someone explained this to you already, although you might not have been paying attention. There was an illustration somewhere in your eighth-grade Life Science textbook.

There is the oxygen cycle. There on the page is a deer looking into the distance. If you grew up in a rural school system like I did, some older kid before you had drawn a set of crosshairs on the deer. But in defiance of the graffiti, the deer continues breathing, and that’s the important thing here. Because if the deer doesn’t keep pumping carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, then the plants don’t have anything to breathe, and they make the oxygen, which we need. To an eighth grader, the fact that plants breathe might be astounding enough, but amazingly, they breathe in a symbiotic synchronicity with animals - each simultaneously producing what the other needs.

On the next page is a diagram of the water cycle. There’s a mountain in the background, where it’s raining. The rain flows into rivers, which eventually flow into the ocean. There, the water evaporates back into the air, where it forms clouds, and everything starts over again. Simple enough.

On the next page is a diagram of the nitrogen cycle. The deer is in this picture, too, but this time someone has scribbled a turd coming out of it. This is, in fact, germane to the diagram because feces play an important part in the nitrogen cycle, and that’s about all anyone remembers past the next test.

And if students lose interest and begin staring out the window, that’s all right, too. Because all that stuff outside, as cruel and contemptuous as it might sometimes seem, is just one great big perpetual motion machine. That’s the point of all those diagrams. The beauty of it inspires awe in the Darwinian Richard Dawkins disciples and the Discovery Institute quasi-Creationists, alike. Nature has built-in cycles for a reason.

For life to continue to exist on this planet, it must use a finite amount of material an infinite number of times. More to the point, if we learn to reuse our stuff, we won’t run out of stuff.

It’s a simple concept, but few of us have mastered it. Stuff comes from Wal-Mart. When we’re done with it, stuff goes to the dump. Wal-Mart never runs out of stuff and the dump never enters our minds, unless the government puts one near enough to smell it. Our species has the ecological habits of a cat using the litter box.

Until now, environmentalism has been a latte-liberal franchise, and to be part of the environmental industry, you had to have at least one pair of Birkenstocks somewhere in the closet. Environmentalism was for tree-hugging activists who cared for owls and salamanders more than the families of red-blooded American loggers. The bumper-sticker values of environmentalists were self-righteous and off-putting.

But that’s changing. Some conservatives have snubbed the green movement as environmentalism by another name, but just as many are embracing it for reasons that are altogether … well … conservative.

The green movement is practical.

It used to be that SUVs were a vulgar luxury because they cost so much gas. Now SUVs are a vulgar luxury because gas costs so much. Green habits save money. And with a hybrid SUV, you can save money, flaunt your wealth and truck your family, all while doing your part to preserve the environment.

The green movement is efficient.

While your parents yelled at you for leaving the lights on when you left a room, you can now leave that florescent bulb burning and save money at the same time.

It used to be that products were made from recycled materials. Today products are made to be recycled. From carpet to computers, designed obsolescence is taking a new turn. With cradle-to-cradle design, reuse is as important as use.

The green movement is responsible.

You don’t even have to believe in global warming to accept a greener way of thinking. Instead, a trip to the mall a week before Christmas will do the trick. There’s just too many of us now to keep shitting the nest the way we have been. Environmentalism was about the future. Green is about the present.

Finally, the green movement can make us money.

In 2001, I covered a city council candidate forum on environmental issues. Several environmental groups in town sponsored the event and their memberships comprised most of the crowd. Bill Johnson, a council incumbent, participated in the forum, to everyone’s surprise. Johnson had supported a proposal from Masada Oxynol to turn the city’s landfills into ethanol-producing plants. The crowd blasted him with questions.

“You can hold it against me, but I don’t believe in burying trash,” Johnson said then. He told the truth but a crowd full of “progressives” was not ready to hear it. Johnson lost that election. Today he is the Director of the Alabama Department of Economic and Community Affairs.

Alternative fuels then seemed freakish, exploitive and scary. Today, such a proposal would seem virtuous, industrious and progressive.

Environmentalism was a burden, but green is an opportunity. There’s at least as much money to be made in preserving the environment as there was mucking it up in the first place. There’s green to be made from green. And the nice thing about cycling is that it never ends.

There’s money to be made there, again and again and again.

War on Dumb is a column about political culture. Write to kyle@bhamweekly.com

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Al Gore’s inconvenient sequel


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What do you do after the Nobel Prize? Al Gore is still preaching the word with a new slide show on TED, one of our favorite sites.

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Students live like refugees, for refugees


Students camp out on BSC\'s quad

Earlier this week, a group of students at Birmingham-Southern College set out from their dorms with tents, sleeping bags, musical instruments and whatever else they could carry. They gathered together on the academic quad, set up a camp and began asking passing students, professors and administrators for food.

“We’re depending on other people for everything other than what we brought in one trip. That doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it takes away your dignity,” said Marc Parker, a junior philosophy major from Thorsby, Ala.

Parker and 15 other BSC students are participating in an event called “Refugee Live for Free,” organized by a campus cultural awareness organization called the Middle Eastern/Central Asian Alliance. The students are living on the quad for a week to raise awareness of the plight of refugees around the world. They hope that relying on other students for food and other supplies will raise awareness on campus of what refugees around the world must endure.

Refugees are people fleeing persecution based on religion, ethnicity or other traits. The United Nations estimates that at the end of 2006, there were 9.9 million refugees and 12.8 million internally displaced persons (refugees who haven’t left their home country). The students participating in Refugee Live for Free represent refugees from many different countries, including Burma, Tibet, Sudan, and Iraq.

“On the first day I told everybody that this is really what everyone makes it to be. Everyone has their own concerns. Mine are for Palestinian refugees,” said Parker, who founded MECAA in 2007.

To add to the realism of their event, the BSC students vowed not to use motor vehicles, money or electricity for a week. Cell phones are allowed, but they can’t be recharged.

Despite these restrictions, things weren’t all bad in BSC’s refugee camp. In between classes, students entertained themselves and each other with guitars, harmonicas and even a didgeridoo.

Kirk Hooten, a senior from Vestavia Hills, said that so far they had received plenty of food. “Dr. Trench even brought us some candy,” said Hooten, referring to psychology professor Lynne Trench. Nevertheless, some students were bracing for any future decline in food supplies - one had constructed a questionable squirrel trap from a small charcoal grill, and another had painted a sign that said “Will sing a song of your choice for food.”

“We cannot actually simulate what refugees actually go through,” Parker admitted. “We’re going back to normal middle class life after this, and this isn’t that far from normal middle-class life anyway. We have really nice tents and we’re eating Pop-tarts.

“We’re doing what we can. There aren’t really a lot of options as far as being able to do something,” Parker said. “But at least we can build a community of compassion, of thoughtfulness. Hopefully people that aren’t sleeping outside with us will have concern for people that are out of sight and usually out of mind.”

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