http://bhamweekly.com/birmingham/articles.sec-15-1-suburban-legends.html Batman and Robin, Han Solo and Chewbacca, Henry Lee Lucas and Otis Toole. These great cinematic teams have added a new dynamic duo to their ranks. Benjamin Franklin Gates and Riley Poole are the stars in the classic films National Treasure, and they have taken the world of action by storm. ]]> WARNING! Do not read this article straight through! This is a special article that allows you, the reader, to influence the outcome while living a life as close to the crippling ennui that is “J’Mel” as possible! Hosannahs!]]> I posed a question to myself last night: is there a day that goes by when I don’t think about, reference, somehow discuss, or in any way access knowledge about Star Wars. I don’t think that there is.]]> Here is the layout. There was a small white case that he had assembled himself over a year ago. It supported the television that he held so dear. ]]> I was having my usual breakfast of turkey sausage and Peach Nehi when it occurred to me that it was the perfect time for another numbered list! ]]> If your love interest has a talent or a hobby, are you expected to feign interest? I mean, are Russell Brand and Katy Perry telling each other how funny/talented at singing they each are or do they just ignore the conversation all together and get to the dastardly business of “doing it”? ]]> I used to know a guy that decided one day that he was “punk”. We never had a conversation about it, so I don’t know what he thought that definition meant, but I’ll tell you some clues I saw that point to reasons he thought allowed him to make this change.]]> Have you ever had the fortune/misfortune of watching the series Hoarders on A&E? If you haven’t, then I’m not sure you should. I don’t know if I can in good conscience suggest this show to people. ]]> Be thankful for numbered lists! It’s that time a year again when people gather together to enjoy the most fattening of meals and find things to complain about. Not me, though. I’m thankful for stuff—so much stuff! You don’t believe me?]]> It was time to retire. He had spent the better part of his youth trying to make a go of it, but it never really gelled into a viable occupation. Briefly, in the beginning he’d been a lot better at masking his contempt for the thankless task but as time went on he found it harder and harder to pretend that he cared. ]]> It seemed like we were having a good enough time. I mean, I had been a perfect gentleman and the small talk was interesting enough to keep us both occupied. But soon enough, I ran into the new millennium’s perfect date killer: The iPhone.]]> Now, I’m no hypocrite. I’ve done my fair share of internet video forwarding. Most of them are fight scenes from bad old Indian kung-fu movies or theme songs from long forgotten cop shows. I don’t normally get involved with the more popular trends, or memes as they are now known.]]> Hello, Boils and Ghouls! Time again for a terrific tale of terror told in the tragic tradition! This slimy soliloquy comes at you from the vault, just in time for your old friend J’Mels favorite holiday, Halloween! So, sit back, Have some SLOP corn and a SCARY Coke and enjoy! HAHHAHAHAHA!!! (cough cough.]]> I saw the film Red the other day. I won't review it here, because the Weekly already employs an awesome review making guy. But seeing the film made me feel really old, not as old as the characters, b]]> I love Halloween. Not because of the costumes because I don’t really dress up anymore. Plus, you have to be aware of your costume all night and you can’t really chill the way you want. I need to be able to chill properly at all times.]]> Mortality is a real concern now. Gone are the carefree days of doing whatever, whenever, without concern to how it will affect the rest of my life. Now, every single personal choice I make ties directly into how much longer I will live. Grim? Perhaps, but real.]]> I was talking to my editor Sam the other day about the silliness that I’m allowed to inflict on you here in the back of the paper. He mentioned that people, you people, seem to like it when I’m ranting and raving about my crappy life and this “magic” city that we live in.]]> So, football has begun, school is in, I’ve had my labor day brauts. Summer is over. So what did I do? Oh not much. I mean I would love to tell you that I finally got out there to see this great country of ours—but I still haven’t been west of the mighty Mississippi.]]> He settled in and cradled the remote controller like a newborn. He toured the usual sweet spots: Food network offered both the dishes and figures he lusted after. Cartoon Network reminded him of his younger days—the time before responsibility. Discovery gave him parasites and jaguars.]]>