THEY TRIED TO MAKE ME GO TO REHAB AND I SAY VOTE, VOTE, VOTE.
CNN, FOX, and MSNBC can’t get enough of politics. In fact many of their reporters refer to themselves as political junkies. At the end of the day, a junkie is a junkie. Junkies will do whatever they have to do to get that next fix. They don’t care what it is and where it comes from as long as they can get high. If a politician says they aren’t running for president, the reporter asks them three more times and proceeds to spend the next hour debating with their colleagues about if that politician is going to run for president. Reporters employ the same technique a child uses on their parents when they want to go to Six Flags. Ask over and over and mom and dad will say yes just to shut me up. Dirty junkies!
I’ve gotten into watching political news shows more. I’m trying to be informed without overdosing. It can get overwhelming. I remember watching the election results for the 2008 presidential race. I’m about to witness one of the most historic moments in political history, and what happens? Wolf Blitzer starts talking to a hologram of Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas. America is about to elect its first black president and CNN is using 1977 Star Wars technology. Help me Obi Wan, you’re my only hope... and while you’re at it Obi, could you check to see if all the votes are in from Iowa? Stupid.
“I was so immersed in the Santorum camp, that I was privy to even the most confidential information.”
Well, the news junkies were out in full force last week. Santorum, Gingrich and Romney in Alabama? Wow! People voted Tuesday but Monday was the day that was truly SUPER! Santorum and Gingrich both spoke at the Alabama Theatre Monday. I couldn’t miss out on this, action so I dusted off the old press credentials.
Such excitement in the air. People waited impatiently for the two Republican front runners to speak. Some wondered why Mitt Romney wasn’t there too. Trust me, after awkwardly squeezing out a “Mornin y’all” in Mississippi along with an admission of starting his morning with some “cheesy” grits, he had said enough. But before either Santorum or Gingrich could take to the stage, a shadowy figure loomed and bellowed in the rafters of the theatre. It was Texas governor Rick Perry! He kept yelling, “I’m the phantom of the opera y’all! Booooo!” He wasn’t wearing the mask like in the Broadway play. He just tore up an old Don’t Mess With Texas t-shirt and covered half his face with it. It’s hard to look threatening with the word “mess” on the left side of your face while getting tazed by security. Talk about Texas barbecue.
Gingrich took to the stage and spoke of $2.50 gas, addressed welfare and of course, talked up his Moon base. In a speech a while back, Gingrich said in his second term as president, he’d have a Moon base established. He’s not even the nominee yet and he’s already promising Moon bases in his second term. That’s pretty amazing. I can’t wait to see what he does in his third!
But the real darling of the visit was Santorum. I managed to get full access to him all day leading up to his speech at the Alabama Theatre. I was so immersed in the Santorum camp, that I was privy to even the most confidential information. In fact, here’s the actual itinerary for Santorum’s Alabama visit (in box at right).
The rest, as they say, is history.
Rick won Mississippi and Alabama. As Santorum was leaving Alabama victorious, I asked him where he would be next. He simply replied, “I’m not exactly sure. I’m either going to appear at a Tennessee town hall meeting or in the feverish nightmare of a gay couple.